High School is not easy. I struggle with bullying a little bit. It’s gotten better, but it’s still kind of hard to deal with every now and then. Once I was walking on the field next to MVMS, and a bunch of juniors at Tam, they might have been drunk, I’m not sure, tackled me and threw a condom full of water at my face. I still have a scar on my hip from where I hit a rock when he tackled me. I try not to think about it. You know the kahoot game that some of the teachers use? Once, almost every kid in my history class made up fake versions of my name and a bunch of stuff they thought would antagonize me on the screen. They didn’t stop, the names kept going up on the screen and they just kept laughing. It felt really bad. I sat in orange court crying for a long time. Nobody came to check on me. The teacher didn’t even come out. He’s a good guy, but he has a class to teach. He can’t sit outside and talk to me for the whole time, and I understood that. At times, yeah I feel isolated. Definitely then. It’s not new, I’ve always been bullied. I can’t actually remember a year at school in my life where I haven’t been bullied. I’ve been beaten up a couple times. It’s not easy. I can’t hide from it, I can’t run from it. I mean, I have to go to school. I wish I could help people who have to go through it, but, I know from experience there is very little anyone can say to help with something like that. It’s rough.
Bullying has impacted me so much. You know how friends, they kind of make fun of each other? Like, say bad things? I involuntarily do that too much because I don’t really like to get close to people anymore. It hurts too much when they leave or start bullying me too. I can’t get that close to people even though I kind of want to at the same time. Bullying is the only reason I’m like that. I’ve never actually had, like, friends before. I mean, when I go to school there’s people I say hi to, people I have classes with who I can talk to and joke with. But, I’ve never actually really had a friends. It gets really lonely. You can’t deal with loneliness, you kind of tolerate and power through it, but you can’t do anything to make it feel better.