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Humans of Tam: I Don’t Belong Here

 

My parents were together. We had a home, I never really appreciated that. I never really knew what it was ‘till I lost it. My dad left, he moved into a different house. He came and saw me every now and then but he just left me with my mom. Even though he knew I was in pain, he just kinda let me be. The moment my dad left, I wanted to go with him. I knew it. Even before they got divorced I knew I wanted to go with him.

Mom put me through a lot of pain. It messed me up in the head. She put me through all of it. What she said over and over really hurt. She would never physically abuse me. I mean sure, she would hit me or something, but verbally [she] did put me through a lot of pain.

[Those] couple months…It was my last nerve. I realized that that would be one of the only chances that I would get to leave. She would scream at me, she would break down my door, she would call the cops on me. The cops would laugh at her, they’d come back, hear her story, come hear mine, then laugh at her again. Everyone knew she was a joke, that she was crazy, that she didn’t know what she was talking about. She called the cops on me because I wouldn’t give her my phone, if I didn’t agree with her on my discipline. She was just insane. She didn’t know what she was doing. I knew she was on drugs. I would just see her walk out the house, tight clothes, and go out to the club. Just trying to sneak out on me. She used to tell me,  “I’ll be out till midnight.” 12 am, 1 am, 2 am, 3 am, 4 am, 5 am, 6 am, 7 am, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 1, 2, 3, 4 and my mom didn’t show up, she just didn’t show up. 8 pm came, I hadn’t seen my mom in 2 days, I just knew I had to leave.

I [lived in] Dublin, like for a month-ish with my aunt and my cousins. They had a house up in Dublin and we just kind of bombarded them. We just slept in the living room, on the floor, cause we didn’t have anywhere else to go.

Once [my dad’s family] found Marin City was when we all started moving in and I realized that night that, shit, I have a house to go to. I have somewhere to stay, somewhere where people actually care about me. What am I doing here, where she calls the cops on me every night? I don’t belong here, I don’t need to be here.

I appreciate where I live now but I don’t think I belong in here either, but I do live here. Tam is amazing and Marin City is fine, but I don’t feel like I have a home. Sure, I sleep in a bed at night and have a roof over my head and I appreciate that, but I don’t feel like I really belong here.




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