The majority of the Tam community loves Santa. I mean, who isn’t charmed by the idea of an overweight old man delivering free presents to you? Because Christmas is unequivocally great, and Santa is undoubtedly the best if you overlook the events behind how he, “knows when are sleeping and know when you’re awake,” Santa enthusiasts are born, bred, and made. These enthusiasts take the liberty of monopolizing the entire month of December with their “Christmas spirit,” decorations, lamentations and such. Despite this, if you take the time to look past the excitement of Christmas you will see that it has some flaws, and one of the very biggest flaws, and absolutely the biggest problem, is Santa.

When most people take a look at Santa, they generally see an overweight man with kind eyes. While I have also observed these characteristics, I also see what’s beneath the surface of this facade, which is a ruthless and entitled criminal, who has a reputation of making individuals work without pay. When hearing this, individuals may be shocked and instantly come to Santa’s defense, asking me why would I ever think this of a man who is so entirely jovial. But fierce may his followers be, I can assure you that I have plenty of reasons to think Santa is this way.

As priorly mentioned, Santa has a bad habit of stalking Christians. For someone who is so old and round, he is awfully cunning. While Santa sightings have been slim, he has a reputation to be in your neighborhood regardless if it’s day or night. In the classical and beloved “Santa Claus is Coming to Town” song it captures Santa’s creepy behavior perfectly. “He knows when you are sleeping, he knows when you’re awake!” These particular lyrics in the song blatantly admit that Santa is stalking you. Personally, I’d be a little uncomfortable to hear that a round, sneaky old man is always stalking me. Despite this uncomfortable fact, the song forbids you from feeling any negative emotions towards Santa and commands that, “you better not cry”  because god forbid a stalker makes you feel uncomfortable enough to do so.

Additionally to this, Santa takes the liberty of deciding whether kids are good or bad. He has a ruthless reputation of labeling misbehaving kids “naughty”; while the rest of their peers receive their presents Christmas day, these “naughty” kids are rudely given lumps of coal instead. Who is Santa to determine who’s good and who’s bad? Why does Santa have the power to be the judge and jury for our actions? Besides, no child can be evil enough to deserve the threat and burden to conform into Santa’s supposed “good behavior.” We are a country that prides itself in democracy, so why are we letting Santa dictate the children?

To continue, not only is Santa cruel, but he is also a criminal. He annually breaks and enters into thousands of homes with no punishment whatsoever. This is a direct violation of our right to privacy and it goes against the law as well. While you might think these actions of Santa are harmless, in reality they have negative impact. Santa’s actions make him a bad role model for young kids because he is proving that breaking the law can come without consequences, his actions even celebrated. I mean, if Santa can break and enter and get away with it, why can’t we all do the same? Regardless of Santa’s good intentions, he is clearly a criminal and we reward him with cookies instead of giving him jail time.

Lastly, Santa rules over a brainwashed cult of indentured elves. While the rest of the US has grown and moved on from these cruel dehumanizing times, Santa clearly has not. In the North Pole, he keeps a mass of indentured elves who tirelessly work for Santa without pay. Year round, the elves participate in manual labor in order to get Santa’s dirty work done. While people might argue that the elves have nowhere else to go, and Santa is being kind by taking them in, these people are mistaken. Just because the elves are not human, doesn’t mean Santa has the right to round them up, enslave them, and coerce them into working for life. While Santa advocates for good behavior, he obviously cannot be applying this to himself, because in that case Santa would be “naughty.”

Jordan Cushner
ahhh@ahh.com

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