Tam Goes to Hogwarts

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Tam Goes to Hogwarts

Mr. Lapp as Mad-Eye Moody

Mr. Lapp as Mad-Eye Moody

Mr. Lapp as Mad-Eye Moody

Mr. Lapp as Mad-Eye Moody

By Sander Lutz

It is a widely accepted fact that Tam is the second-best school for teens in the world. First-place? That immortal stone fortress that has captured all of our hearts: Hogwarts. How exactly do the faculties of both fine institutions stack up when compared?

Mr. Chamberlin as Snape

Professor Snape: Mr. Chamberlin

Eerie Coincidence: N.E.W.T. Level Potions = legendary years of APUSH

Both classes are considered a rite of passage, and for good reason. If there’s one thing you get coming out of either, it’s a genuine education based in deep passion for the subject. Let’s just hope Chamberlin isn’t pushing Drescher off the clock-tower anytime soon.

Madam Hooch: Ms. Sturgeon

Eerie Coincidence: whistles

Is there really anything that needs to be said? “Okay little cheeses, get your broomsticks ready.” At least Harry didn’t have to calculate his BMI.

Professor Slughorn: Mr. Bah

Eerie Coincidence: Stories of past students = stories of Coast Guard service

Light-hearted, knowledgeable, and mellow, both are favorite staples among their respective student bodies. Reminiscing is a frequent pastime for both so don’t be surprised if you get caught up in a tale of international-water Cold War standoffs, or the old habits of a dear friend from the Ministry.

Principal Drescher as Dumbledore

Professor Trelawny: Mr. Zailian

Eerie Coincidence: Prophecies of the fate of Wizard-kind = disturbingly accurate predictions of airline ticket prices

Upon entering either classroom, you immediately know you’re somewhere different. The first indication will be the complete silence and lack of desks. Once you’re acclimated, either a smooth, slow baritone or a shaking whisper will guide you on a journey through cultural and human experience. If building codes were nonexistent, Zailian would be the first in line for a fireplace hands down.

Professor Dumbledore: Mr. Drescher

Eerie Coincidence: Search for horcruxes = frequent off-campus “district meetings”

There’s the obvious connection that both headmasters have done excellent jobs keeping their schools safe from the forces of dark magic. Not much is known about either, and it’s an unusual sight to see one or the other roaming through the halls of their respective institutions. Perhaps all of Drescher’s days away have been spent in the English countryside, tracing the origins of Redwood Principal David Sondheim.

Mr. Lapp as Mad-Eye Moody

Professor Moody: Mr. Lapp

Eerie Coincidence: “Constant Vigilance!” = “That is not awesome!”

Neither class nor instructor is for the faint of heart. Walk into Alastor Moody’s cave of magical defense, or Lapp’s physics lair, and you’re bombarded by an overwhelming clutter of either foe glasses and Sneakoscopes or bizarre mirrors and tone generators. Both teachers are intensely passionate about their fields (and come from military/magical order backgrounds), but aren’t afraid to have a little fun along the way. Students have been known to witness small animals suffer unforgivable curses, or teachers getting hit by sledgehammers while lying on beds of nails.