Hawk Dirty to Me


By Danielle Egan

Valentine’s Day is right around the corner. For many, this means bitterly mocking the few happy couples and binging on discounted chocolate. But for those of you who haven’t yet given up on love, here are some foolproof lines to help you get up the nerve to hawk to your crush.  

Hey (girl/boy), meet me in front of Gus Gym so I can pick you up.

Are you the clock tower? Because you make time stand still.

I’d fight a mob of Safeway-bound freshmen for you, (girl/boy).

Are you the BPL? Because I’d fight for a spot by your side.

Hey (girl/boy), you’re hotter than Wood Hall.

I’d walk to upper-Keyser and back hella times for you.

Are you my late math homework? Because thinking of you keeps me up at night.  

Hey (girl/boy), you’re the Key-ser to my heart.  

Did I leave my heart in the locker room? Because it just got stolen.

Hey (girl/boy), you make me more dysfunctional than home access.

Are you the Tam News? Because I’d like to pick you up anywhere on campus.  

Tam is red, as well as blue, my 7th is free, can I spend it with you?