News, Opinion, & Multimedia for Tamalpais High School

The Tam News

News, Opinion, & Multimedia for Tamalpais High School

The Tam News

News, Opinion, & Multimedia for Tamalpais High School

The Tam News


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By Hillary Betz, Graphics Editor • March 1, 2024

“Fast Five” lags, but packs a punch in the end

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“This just went from mission impossible to mission in-freakin’-sanity.” That line, from “The Fast and the Furious” sums up the franchise as a whole: dumb, cheesy “car porn” movies that have no real heart or characters, but do contain entertaining action to make the films somewhat watchable. My expectations for “Fast Five,” the horribly titled fifth film in the series, were not too high. However, despite the film’s cheesy lines and twists, a kick-ass action movie was exactly what director Justin Lin delivered.

The film actually takes the franchise in a new direction, essentially putting all their living characters in an “Oceans 11” scenario where they have to pull off a heist in which a vast sum of money is stolen from a corrupt investor. Vin Diesel returns as Dominic Toretto, who is broken out of jail at the start of the film by two old friends, played by Paul Walker and Jordana Brewster. Now fugitives, the three head south to Rio de Janeiro where they join up with everyone who wasn’t killed in the first four movies, and get ready to rob the man who essentially owns the city.

The first hour and a half were barely above the standard that one might expect from the franchise. There were some nice, smaller action scenes, along with some fun scenes of prep work for the attack.

Unfortunately, the more likable characters are the ones with the least screen time; Ludacris and Tyrese Gibson are the best of the group, constantly arguing and debating each issue that arises.

The main man, Diesel, however, has the most alienating and baffling performance of them all. Every time he speaks, no matter what he says, he sounds like a less robotic Darth Vader, and he moves between only two expressions: a slight smile or a bitter scowl.

However, about 90 minutes into the film, when the heist at last occurs, there’s a good 30 to 40 minute chunk of fantastic action, where Diesel and Walker drive around Rio, dragging a giant safe along the street behind them. They’re taking out buildings, cars, and whatever else they please with this giant, house-sized metal box.

This completely redeems the film. The first 90 minutes could have been a Snuggie infomercial for all I cared; as long as there was an absurd car chase in the end, I would have been satisfied. It was kind of disappointing how small a role the more entertaining characters played in the actual robbery, as the only people to actually pull off the heist were Walker and Diesel, the least charismatic of the bunch. Then again, it says something when my favorite performance in a film is from Ludacris.

While technically a “good guy,” Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson did a good job portraying the film’s antagonist: a CIA agent bent on capturing the main characters. He was, in simplest terms, a badass. How do you know? He got to say the one “f—” that a PG-13 movie is allowed. However, midway through the film, he makes a choice so baffling and initiates a twist so cheesy that the entire theater broke into laughter when he said it, and it really ruined his character for me.

In the end, “Fast Five” is actually a pretty solid movie. However, if I were going to see the film again, I’d show up an hour and a half late. Even though it’s kind of inconsiderate to do this in a full theater, I’d actually recommend it. These scenes of big screen action are fantastic, and it’s worth it just to go see a 10-ton safe tearing through the façade of a bank, smashing police cars like they’re made of aluminum foil, and throwing SUVs off of a bridge. Staying for the full 130 minutes is not at all necessary, however, it’s well worth the price of the ticket.

 4/5 Stars

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