The Tam News

Trader Joe’s virgin

Trader Joe’s virgin

By Claire Conger

October 17, 2019

Reflections on a lifetime of Trader Joe's deprivation.

Pamplona and shock humor

October 13, 2019

"Your publication of this comment seems out of character with a community that portrays itself as supportive and accepting of cultural diversity."

An Adult Gym Goer’s Guide to Dealing with Physically Fit Teenagers

An Adult Gym Goer’s Guide to Dealing with Physically Fit Teenagers

By Max Goldberg, Website Editor

February 7, 2019

Teenagers can’t seem to do anything right. Their small, underdeveloped brains prevent them from driving well, speaking rationally, turning down the music after you ask them to, and, apparently, exercising. That’s right. Teenagers are a nuisance in the weight room, and the workout routine you lea...

An Ode to Passing Periods

An Ode to Passing Periods

December 14, 2018

As the period commences The masses are filled with glee. Oh how fun passing period is Of course, unless you’re me.   I try to take a leak, But all the Juulers harsh my mellow. What is that on the bathroom floor? It looks kind of wet and yellow.   So I decide...

Santa Baby

Santa Baby

December 13, 2018

The majority of the Tam community loves Santa. I mean, who isn’t charmed by the idea of an overweight old man delivering free presents to you? Because Christmas is unequivocally great, and Santa is undoubtedly the best if you overlook the events behind how he, “knows when are sleeping and know when...

Designated Juuling Areas – Satire

Designated Juuling Areas – Satire

December 13, 2018

On Sunday, June 3rd, J.B. Near and the administration announced the newest addition to Tam’s campus in the form of designated areas for consumption of vaporized nicotine products. “Addiction is a disease, and these students need a safe space to use without being judged by their teachers and peers,”...

Phone Games

Phone Games

December 13, 2018

I hate phone games. Phone games are the worst thing you can do with your time, and they’re even worse than regular games. What do I mean by regular games? Games where you sit down, you have the controller, or the keyboard, or the joystick, or the zapper, or the trackball, or the forehead suction cups, o...

A Walk Down Memory Lane

A Walk Down Memory Lane

October 18, 2018

I’ve always thought of myself as someone who has bad luck. Maybe it’s just my pessimistic attitude. Maybe I’m cursed. Judge for yourself.   I ordered a turkey sandwich at a supermarket and the guy at the deli forgot to put turkey on it. It was literally bread with some lettuce, tom...

A Diabetic’s Halloween

A Diabetic’s Halloween

By Max Goldberg, Website Editor

October 18, 2018

When you have Diabetes, life finds a way to remind you every day that you have to deal with Diabetes. And me having it is not as much a tragedy as it is just annoying. On my flight home from Taiwan, when I was casually injecting myself with insulin so I could eat, the flight attendant asked if I cou...

How To Make Friends

How To Make Friends

By John Overton

September 24, 2018

Do you have trouble making friends, being friends with humans, having friends, or playing funny pranks on friends? So did I until I didn’t! Wanna know how? Here’s how: One: Be good, be kind. Friends don’t come to those who think its okay to be not-okay. Okay? Okay. Second: Wear clothing. ...

Satire: Much Ado About Nuttin’

Satire: Much Ado About Nuttin’

By Milo Levine

May 22, 2018

In an email sent out to parents and students on May 1, the administration stated their concern with the recent rise of student masturbation on campus. This email comes as the CDC has declared a national Porn Induced Masturbation Addiction (PIMA) crisis. This condition has struck high school communities e...

Clashing Views from Clashing Jews

Clashing Views from Clashing Jews

By Dahlia Zail and Milo Levine

March 8, 2017

Holocaust Jokes: When a Joke Crosses the Line By Dahlia Zail I am a Jew, and I have always worn the identity with pride. I went to Hebrew school from first grade to my freshman year. I had a Bat Mitzvah, travelled to Israel twice, and have gone to Jewish sleep away camp for five years. I spent my who...