Can I say the “f-word”?
Navigating the reclamation of identity slurs.
February 7, 2020
I was at a concert the other night. The singer was a very openly gay artist, singing to a very openly gay crowd. About twenty minutes in, the singer shouted to the audience, “Is anyone gay in here?” and was met with a roaring response. She laughed and said, “Get the fuck out, f*****s.” The theater lulled in uncomfortable tension. Then the show went on.
Now, if the singer had been a straight white male saying that on stage, the response would have been different. There may have been outrage, boycotting, or other forms of backlash. Nobody left though, and nobody said anything in opposition. She’s gay, which arguably gives her the opportunity to use that word. But, it still made some people uncomfortable.
I’m all for self-expression; anyone should be able to identify however the hell they want. If she wants to call herself a f*g, that’s her prerogative. The audience froze because she chose to call them by that term.
But how did the f-slur become such a burdened expression?
Originally, the word was used to describe a bundle of sticks, according to Merriam Webster. These sticks were used by young boys who did chores for their older peers, and soon the instrument was associated with the type of person who would use it; a boy who performed women’s duties (God forbid). Not only this, the young boys were sometimes asked to perform very personal favors for their seniors. The word has long been associated with femininity, as it was used as an abusive term for women as early as the 16th century. One reason begot the other, or maybe the inverse, and the term evolved into its current, American definition; a derogatory description for gay men, first printed with this direct meaning in Louis E. Jackson’s A Vocabulary of Criminal Slang.
I know the singer wasn’t using the slur in an attempt to alienate her fans, as they’re the ones paying her bills. She said it in a poorly executed, edgy endearment, and was met with an audience panged with the reminder of an ever-present discrimination. While the context seemed reasonable enough, those around her weren’t ready to forget the original meaning, and snapped in to fight or flight.
We live in a liberal area, so one would imagine that a county just north of San Francisco could be beyond the era of LGBTQ discrimination. But it happens all the time. In elementary school, Southern Marin Broncos played “smear the queer.” In middle school, girls stopped hugging lesbians in fear of getting hit on. Last week in class, I heard boys talking about what a “f*g” someone was, mocking their lack of masculinity. It’s still here; we hear it.
People in the LGBTQ community are always on high alert for moments like these, so the other day in class my ears perked when I heard the slur pierce the air. As I eavesdropped, it became clear the student wasn’t using the word in an intentionally derogatory sense; instead, they were describing in shock how someone else had been using it. Except, they said the actual word multiple times in their story. While the purpose wasn’t harmful, the interaction quickly became uncomfortable. It’s a loaded word, and its presence haunts people. Saying it, regardless of context, stirs emotions.
So, can LQBTQ people say the f-word? Yes and no.
The reclamation of slurs can change the ownership of their power. Yet, this doesn’t forgo its original meaning. Just because one gay person feels empowered to take back a word that was once used to opress, does not mean others are ready to embrace the same. It is hard to reclaim a word that is still being used to oppress. Yes, a gay person has the right to call themselves any slur they wish. No, they cannot label others in any way without their consent.
There is no harm in self-censorship. Generally, don’t call someone a loaded word without their explicit permission, and especially don’t say something that isn’t yours to use. This applies to the LGBTQ community, but it’s also applied to many other realms of life. I don’t say the n-word or the r-word because they’re not open to me. The line becomes blurred when there are words I can/have the right to use, yet risk resurfacing their tumultuous history. Do not say slurs unless directly referencing yourself, and even then, ask why you want to use that type of word. What type of power are you looking for?
natalie • May 16, 2021 at 1:33 pm
hi i am a non binary bisexual, can i reclaim
the f slur and or d slur?
meow meow • May 15, 2021 at 11:45 am
for context im a trans male.
The word was used to oppress gay men. if you are a gay man, bi man, pan man, a man who likes men in any way shape or form you can use the term faggot. (if you’re a demi boy and you like men you can too)
a lesbian can use the D slur.
a transgender person (nonbinary, trans, genderfluid ect) can use tranny.
a bi, pan, lesbian, straight woman CANNOT use faggot.
it’s that simple. why do you guys WANT a slur so badly??
& people here are saying “well i’ve been called the f slur before so i should beable to reclaim it right?” no. if you’re not a gay man no. it’s like saying, as someone who’s not black, “oh well a black person called me the n word so i can reclaim it” no Sarah, you can’t say that slur.
Honestly, just don’t say it. its not something you NEED to say either, you just want to feel special
tris • May 15, 2021 at 4:46 am
lgbtq+ guys can use the slur F*ggot and girls in lgbtq+ can say D*ke .
Maya C • May 13, 2021 at 12:38 am
I’m omnisexual and I use she/her pronouns, and although I have no intention of using the f slur am I able to use it?
bruh • May 13, 2021 at 12:15 am
i’m a lesbian who’s been fired for being a “fag”, beaten up, and has been threatened on multiple occasions to be “rolled into a carpet and set on fire”. and i will be DAMNED if someone will try and police me using the word after that. and fuck you to anyone who says to my face that i can’t.
Dancing Doughnut • May 12, 2021 at 9:37 pm
Im Medan and I am a 14 year old bisexual girl; when singing a song that has the word ‘fag’ or ‘faggot’ I am always confused if I should say it or not but I usually sing it. Even after reading this I’m still questioning whether or not it’s alright that I say it (*゚▽゚*)
chai - non binary asexual lesbian ( they / them ) • May 12, 2021 at 4:07 pm
” non-binary-pan ” commenter . . . are you serious right now ?? ” if you want to call yourself the f-slur idc it’s your choice ” what the actual fuck . . . if a straight dude looks in the mirror and says ” oh im such a faggot ” out of no where that would be a homophobic slur that came out of a CISHET dudes mouth. and if you get called a slur doesnt mean you can use it. and if anyone thinks that in general u need to get outside and touch some fucking grass. any black person who is actually ALLOWED to say the n-slur ,, can say it. but if that black person calls a white person the n-slur doesnt mean that white person can say it. not at all. that would be a racist slur coming out of a WHITE persons mouth. if ur not mlm i dont think u can use the f slur. if u wlw u have ur own slur which is the d-slur. if ur a lesbian that loves women ( which would be obvious ) u can use the d-slur. if ur bi pan or anything besides mlm or wlw u shouldnt be using the f-slur or the d-slur or any homophobic slur. that simple. and if ur reading this. please actually educate urself. thanks <3
taro • May 12, 2021 at 1:07 pm
hi, im an asian lesbian and i was wondering if it’s okay for me to use the d-slur, even though i’m not black? i’ve seen some people saying it’s aave, and some saying its not, and i’m really confused as to whats true and what’s not
Mina • May 11, 2021 at 7:43 am
Only Bi men, Pan men, trans women, and mlm men can only say the f slur, since they were called his back then. If you are a bi woman, pan woman, trans man, wlw (basically the other way around), you can’t say the slur. The slur isn’t meant for us and called us the d slur instead (and many more please correct me if i am wrong)
Katie • May 1, 2021 at 3:54 am
Hello i’m katie,i’m 14 (she/her) and i was wondering as someone who is bi but is currently questioning if i’m a lesbian can i say the f-slur?I have done a lot of research and i really wanna know?If anyone could help me out i would really appreciate it!
g • Apr 30, 2021 at 2:12 pm
nb femme-aligned lesbian here. while i do think it’s fine for anyone in the lgbtq community to use the f slur, i still find it kinda weird that people are like super desperate to use it?? (i’m only here cuz my friend wanted me to see how conflicting the comment section was lmao)
anyway. i’ve been called the f slur a lot of times – because homophobes don’t care whether you’re wlw/mlm/etc. they see you as queer and want to label you as such. as you can see, the slur has grown to be an umbrella term/slur for the lgbtq community so i really don’t think it’s a problem for other queer people to use it.
when it comes to the d slur, part of me is somewhat conflicted. the term was (originally) meant to call out women who were not attracted to men – this was meant to call out lesbians only. but, same logic applies as before – homophobes don’t care if you’re lesbian/bi/pan/etc, they just see you as wlw in some vague way. they are going to label you as such. so all in all, i think it’s fine for anyone who’s wlw to use it – claiming bi people can’t use it bc they’re “not as gay as lesbians” or anything is just straight up bi erasure. stop it. however, you should know the history behind it first & respect that.
(also i used wlw consistently but femme-aligned nbs are included too – i’m just not sure if it’s nblw or wlnb lmao)
finally, the t slur. same logic as before, but i’ll make it short this time – if you fall under the trans umbrella, i think it’s fine for you to use it.
as the article said, don’t use slurs towards anyone except yourself unless the person has explicitly stated they are fine with it. ik that it’s empowering to say stuff like “yes i’m a f*g” in a positive way & i do that occasionally too, but my general advice is to not throw slurs around that often bc they’re heavily loaded words
hope that helps!
lio (mlm) • Apr 30, 2021 at 2:58 am
fag and faggot are mlm + nblm slurs. bi, gay, pan etc. men / nonbinary people can say it.
“but i’ve been called that!” just because you’ve been called the slur doesn’t mean you can reclaim it. i’m probably the whitest white person ever and i’ve been called the n-slur — can i reclaim it? no.
wlw community, as much as i love and respect you, not everything is about you.
Dorm • Apr 28, 2021 at 3:46 pm
I am dorm and I am 12 years old and a proud lesbian, most people say I’m to young to be lesbian but I know what I am and who I am and no one can tell me otherwise. I have been being treated differently as I have started to tell more and more people I am lesbian and I’ve been called a f*g a couple of times and at first I didn’t know what it meant but now that a very close friend told me I’ve been wondering if I can say it to. And I’ve heard it in a couple of my FAVORITE songs, one of them is b*itches by Mindless self indulgence. So can I say it if I’m lesbian?
non-binary-pan • Apr 25, 2021 at 5:46 pm
hiii I’m a non binary pansexual.
I only “used” the f-slur in a Tyler the Creator song I wasn’t really thinking but after I felt bad and did research I will never use the f-slur in an inappropriate way but just to look if I could say it without going to hell…
FEHBGUSBEFUWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHA ofc I’m going to hell I’m a ginger AND pansexual lmao sorry I couldn’t resist.
MY opinion is that noone can say it in a insulting way and if you want to call a lgbtq+ person or straight person (by a straight person is in my opinion weird but you do you sis) the f-slur you have to ask permisson if you want to call yourself the f-slur idc it’s your choice
Oli They-Them • Apr 20, 2021 at 4:35 pm
I just read through the comments and let me say:
If you are attracted to the same gender, you can say the F slur
If you are trans (including non binary), you can say the T slur
If you are a lesbian, you can say the D slur
The F slur has been used to describe all people who are attracted to the same gender as themselves, it’s not just for gay men.
Oli They-Them • Apr 20, 2021 at 4:25 pm
I am a trans-non binary, omnisexaul (possibly ace) person, and I want to know other lgbtqia+ people’s opinion is on says the f slur if you’ve never been called the f slur. I personally think you should be able to use a slur that applies to you, but I’ve never been called the F or T slur, and I was wondering if I should be able to say it? The whole point of us using these slurs is to take back power over our oppressors, right? But I’m in the closet and have not been called either of those slurs, so should I be allowed to say them? Please help, I have strong opinions on most things but I’m in a little bit of a gray area with this one.
u guys r weird • Apr 17, 2021 at 9:30 am
im a gay boy and i just want to say that all of your reasoning for saying the f slur as non mlm is rly bad. “ive been called it before so i can say it” so? as a korean, ive been called the c slur before and i dont say it bcs i am not a part of the demographic that it targets. will racists probably not care to learn the difference between chinese and korean? yeah they wont, still doesnt mean i can reclaim it. the slur being an “umbrella term” like u claim is very subjective — similar to the f slur, the c slur is used broadly, but that doesnt mean everyone can reclaim it. plus its so weird that u guys are so desperate to reclaim a slur. there are plenty of ways you can empower yourself as lgbt and it honestly seems weird that the first thing some ppl do when they come out is look up slurs to use, almost like u only came out as lgbt to use them. i really dont care if yall disagreee w me because a lot of yall seem v uneducated and stubborn abt why you can use that word, i just wanted to speak my peace. i hope yall also realize that you shouldnt be speaking over mlm at all; various mlm have directly stated that they are uncomfortable w usage of the word by nonmlm and the only defense ive heard is “well MY mlm friend”… ok? where are they brittney, dont be afraid, bring them out. this isnt ur discussion to have, its a mlm slur and a discussion for the mlm community full stop. its like bringing the “well MY black friend said i can use the n slur” … yall just think you can get away w slurs bcs its not obvious if you can reclaim them or not!
Morgan (she/they/any) biromantic asexual • Apr 16, 2021 at 5:56 am
(To “bi guy” from April 9th) I agree that anyone in the lgbtq+ community should be able to use the f-word however, for the d-word it is specifically used for wlw and thus only be reclaimed by women (or feminine presenting) who like/love other women 🙂
(To “rose” from March 16th) Beautifully put thank you for the info. This comment section has been very separated but you covered basically all the topics and it was very well said!
Aster • Apr 13, 2021 at 8:54 am
Hi, I’m an agender ace and I was wondering if I can say it since you said all of the lgtbq community. I don’t want to and won’t use the slur I just wanted to know if you meant all
Bisexual man • Apr 9, 2021 at 9:04 am
Use the word if you are LGBT. Its used against all of us. You don’t need to be 100% gay to use it. Its used against us Bis all the time.
Bi guy • Apr 9, 2021 at 9:02 am
Correction: Mary M is the comment I was referring to not Olivia sorry misread the names associated.
Bi guy • Apr 9, 2021 at 9:00 am
Olivia is dumb. I’ve been called F*g so many times. To say because I’m bi I cant use it is ridiculous. To all those who are confused use the f-word or d-word if you are LGBT. take the words back from the haters just like queer was taken back. You don’t need to be completely gay or completely lesbian to use those words as long as you fit in the lgbt community. We’ve all been called this stuff so we have the right to take it back.
Yue • Mar 26, 2021 at 9:51 am
Okay so im a bi girl and im confused if i can say it or not. I didnt say it once since i came out bc well i need assurance that i can say it.
sam • Mar 24, 2021 at 9:24 am
ok so I’m a trans guy and I identify as that and queer because I get confused with my sexuality a lot but I am attracted to men definitely. since people are saying bi, pan, and gay men can say it can I? I don’t identify as any of those things but I’m still a man attracted to men.
jay • Mar 23, 2021 at 3:33 pm
I’m a bisexual woman, but I’m gendernonconforming so i often present androgynous.
This comment section is confusing me.
So basically I’ve been called both the f-slur and the d-slur and i probably still will in future, but I can’t reclaim either one of those because I’m not a guy, so I can’t say the f-slur and I’m also not a lesbian, so I can’t say the d-slur.
So I can get it used against me but can’t reclaim it? well thats great
Rose (cis woman, bi; lesbian questioning) • Mar 16, 2021 at 5:11 am
Hello, as the f slur was originally used as a derogatory term for women (before being used against mlm), and is now used as an umbrella slur for the entire LGBTQ community, it should be able to be used by all LGBTQ members. Homophobes do not discriminate overarching slurs such as the f slur, but it would be odd for a homophobe to call a gay man “dyke,” as that word is only for wlw. Non wlw LGBTQ members are not allowed to say dyke because they are not wlw (or feminine presenting liking women), and do not get called that slur. Everybody in the LGBTQ community gets called the f slur.
If it was common for dyke to be used for all LGBTQ members and had evolved from only being used on wlw, then I would not mind at all (really don’t care much now) if the rest of the LGBTQ community chose to reclaim that slur.
Yes, ANY wlw or presenting as feminine loving women should be able to say dyke. Just because I possibly like men does not mean I like women any less than a lesbian would like women. The d slur is used against women who like women, and saying I should not be able to use it is bi erasure, as it makes it seem that I like women less than a “fully gay” woman, instead of me being attracted to women just the same as a lesbian is, and also happening to be attracted to men.
Back to the f slur: as an example, the term “whore” was used against promiscuous women and prostitutes, but then came to include every woman, despite their past sexual relations, once misogynists got ahold of the word and decided to use it to oppress women as a whole. The word “whore” evolved from being used to only describe very sexual or sexual appearing women to being used to describe any woman who showed “undesirable” traits or unwilling to do something for a man, “talking back,” wearing “whoreish” clothing, and overall not being seen as the innocent, conservative dressing house wife that was the model woman back in the day, and even currently. The word whore was used to belittle women, make them feel ashamed, limit self expression, keep them submissive, and overall hinder women’s rights movements. As you can see, although whore was used originally towards promiscuous women, this slur was taken back by all women because it evolved to be used against and oppress all women, and any woman is allowed to say it because it gives the oppressors less power, which is the entire point of reclaiming slurs (to give them no meaning/significance).
Sorry for the history lesson, but this is an example of the exact reason the f slur should be able to be used by the ENTIRE LGBTQ community. Yes, it was originally used against mlm, but the word evolved to oppress all LGBTQ members; much like whore was used originally against promiscuous women, but evolved to oppress all women. Every LGBTQ member is affected by the f slur, and only by taking it back can we take power away from the oppressors. Then you might ask, why don’t we let everyone say dyke? Well, simply put, it’s not used against other LGBTQ members who are not wlw, so having a gay man refer to himself as a dyke would only cause further confusion and make homophobes believe it’s common for all LGBTQ members to be referred to as such, then all LGBTQ would be called this.
If the roles were reversed and I was mlm and not able to say dyke, but understand the f slur has become an umbrella term for LGBTQ, I would be completely accepting of all members using that slur.
Dyke is not an umbrella slur for LGBTQ, the f slur was originally mlm but has evolved into an umbrella LGBTQ slur, socially synonymous with “queer,” although yes the dictionary defines it as a mlm slur.
This was very long, thanks for reading.
beckie • Mar 11, 2021 at 9:14 am
hey guys a while ago my questioning bf said the f slur, at the time i didn’t know he was questioning and i told him to apologize, looking back at it i wonder if questioning people can say the f slur ? id love to hear ppls opinion on this bc i have no clue if he can say it or not
zoe • Mar 11, 2021 at 12:30 am
I am a Bisexual female, pronouns she/her, and i personally think that while the f-slur was originally used to oppress exclusively MLM it has since grown to be used against many other people who are not cis gender and heteronormative. (At least it is in california where i live.) I know i’ve personally been called a f*ggot and a d*ke many times in middle school and have watched my friends be tormented with the terms by straight boys. which is the reason why i delayed coming out for so long. I was so scared that people would hate me and discard me for loving the same gender. I think that this trauma should give anyone who’s endured it a ticket to reclaim it. I feel that it is empowering to say “yes i’m a f*ggot” or “yes i’m a d*ke” and what are you gonna fucking do about it. HOWEVER, as you’ll notice i’ve censored them because i understand that this is not something everyone reading this will be ok with and i absolutely do not want to trigger anyone. As long as you aren’t using these slurs in a harmful way and you are reclaiming it in the presence of likeminded people, why not use it?
charlotte • Mar 9, 2021 at 8:56 am
hey lesbian here, just a reminder to some of you, pan and bi women CANNOT SAY THE D SLUR!! it was used against lesbians because they liked ONLY women. also the f slur was used against MLM mostly but WLW still get called it to this day as well so im not sure.
logan • Mar 5, 2021 at 8:22 am
I (a gay, trans guy) am of the opinion that anyone who likes or is attracted to the same gender can use the f-slur because its directed at anyone who is in any way gay. The d-slur however, should only be used by wlw because it is specifically directed at wlw.
As for the t-slur, I think anyone who falls under the transgender umbrella (anyone who’s gender is different to their assigned gender at birth) has the right to use that word, including non-binary folks.
That being said, don’t use any slurs for anyone else without explicit permission, and don’t use them at all if you’re not part of the community the slur is directed at.
adrian • Mar 2, 2021 at 7:34 pm
I am mlm and only mlm men can say it (including bi/pan guys). It’s really that simple. If you’re not a guy attracted to other guys, don’t say it.
jorja • Mar 1, 2021 at 4:19 am
im an unlabelled (maybe pan if i had to label) girl and i am still a bit confused if i can use the f slur or d slur. a straight yes or no answer would be greatly appreciated!!
Portia B • Feb 23, 2021 at 8:55 am
i think that if you could be called it you can say it
Jacob • Feb 23, 2021 at 4:21 am
hello! I am a gay cis male. I would like to state that not everyone in the LGBTQ+ community has a right to ‘reclaim’ the word fag/faggot or the d slur. If you are a man attracted to men, even if you are also attracted to woman, you can use fag/faggot. If you are a woman attracted to woman, you can use the d slur…The point of reclaiming the word is that they were each used towards their respective genders. I also would like to point out that I am not transphobic or anything, but trans mtf or ftm does not give you a right to use those words either…if you are not attracted to the same gender you cannot use the words…if you identify as FLM, you can not use the d slur..if you identify as MLF, you can’t use fag or faggot…No matter what you identify as, it depends on the gender you like. I would also like to point out that it is still very controversial for someone who is trans and is pansexual to use the words. I personally believe that these words should only be used by someone who strictly likes the same sex, but cis bisexual men should be able to use fag too. As for the d slur, it is strictly used against WLW and nothing else, so only WLW should use it.
Lawrence • Feb 14, 2021 at 1:33 am
What F-word? This whole piece about this word you have refused to use it. If you’re going to write an opinion piece about the word faggot, use the word.
F*****s: Factors? Fabrics? F*g: Fig?
Faggot, Fag
rav • Feb 12, 2021 at 10:13 pm
hi im a nb bisexual, can i say the word? i made a joke using the word and i am very sorry i cant say the word. that was very insensitive of me. im seeing mixed signals here, some say yes some say no. in my opinion, as long your not lgbt+ u cant say the word, but im not so sure. i have no intention of saying the word!! only for some jokes,songs,and tik tok audios.
grace • Feb 1, 2021 at 8:36 am
hi, i’d like to disagree with people saying that everyone in the lgbt+ community can say f*got .it was used against people who are attracted to the same gender as themselves. this does not include straight non binary people, straight asexuals, exc. but it does include gay, lesbian, pansexual, bisexual people. if you are for example non binary but also pansexual, you are allowed to say it. d*ke was used against women attracted to other women so any women who are attracted to other women can say it (lesbian, bisexual , pansexual, omnisexual, exc.) hope this helps! ️️⚧️️️⚧️
anonymous gay • Jan 27, 2021 at 12:06 pm
i have a question, can bi/pan/omni/poly etc. people identify as gay?
Jayden • Jan 25, 2021 at 4:55 am
Hi I’m a trans male so female to male. I’m bisexual but I have a higher preference for men than women and I have found myself liking men more but women just a bit so I class myself as bi with a preference of men. Am I allowed to say the f slur? I think I can but I’m not sure because I’m still attracted to the same gender (male) but like women a bit? I think bi people should be since their attracted to the same gender
nova • Jan 25, 2021 at 1:50 am
hey so i’m a biromantic aesexual and i still don’t know if i’m allowed to say the f-slur. i don’t want to say it but people are giving me mixed signals about it.
Levi • Jan 9, 2021 at 5:24 pm
Hi I’m born as a woman trans man and I was wondering if I could say the f word? It doesn’t exactly specify.
shut up • Jan 8, 2021 at 2:15 am
are u dumb “Faggots cousin”?? you have no right to reclaim a slur that isn’t INTENTIONALLY yours to reclaim. let alone allow other lesbians to follow your weird concept on “male privilege” within the gay community. idk if you’ve noticed, but most gay men do not share the same male privilege that heterosexual men experience. gay men are repeatedly harassed, demeaned, and blatantly scrutinized for their feminine lifestyle (for those who choose to lead this path of expression). i’m sorry to inform you, but there is little to no power that any gay male holds over lesbian or bisexual women from a gender standpoint. let’s get that straight. additionally, i think that you’re mistaking the fact that just because you get called a word does not mean that you can reclaim it. if a white person gets called a racial slur, they are not able to then reclaim it. in fact, it would be very weird for them to even take offense to the word. which puzzles me as to why you, a lesbian, is concerned with being called a slur that literally does not have intentional ploys to harm your character. yes, you can be frustrated that the word is being used against you since it affects your fellow gay and bi members of the male lgbt community. however, you still do not get to reclaim the word. it’s weird that you want to say this word so bad, almost as if you have some internal hatred of gay men that you so desperately need to exude it through slurred language. please seek help immediately.
again, i would never tell somebody if they can or can not say a slur that was not directly in definition to my identity. that’s weird behavior. for instance, i do not say the d slur out of respect for the lesbian community that does not feel comfortable with lgbt men saying it. i would expect the same energy from lgbt women.
lin • Jan 7, 2021 at 7:32 am
hello! I am a transgender male and I am bi, people say I can not say the f-slur when I ask them, am I allowed to say it??
Jay • Dec 31, 2020 at 8:43 pm
Hey so like I’m a bi girl and the other day my sister (who says she’s demisexual which idk about that but anyways I’m like almost 100% sure she’s only attracted to men) said the f slur. I’m pretty sure that she can’t say it cuz she’s literally never even been called it or discriminated against for being demi cuz like no one even knows and if they did I don’t think anyone would care at all cuz she still only likes the opposite gender. I’m getting mixed signals from the comments but my way of thinking was that if ur not attracted to the same gender then u can’t say the f slur but I just want some feedback so I can know whether I’m right or wrong. Thank you!!
Faggots cousin • Dec 28, 2020 at 7:45 pm
Hi I’m a lesbian and in American culture we see that there is a very male centered perspective on things. That being said, this causes lots of erasure for the things that women go through. This definitely effects our lgbtq+ community given that the majority of our representation is the gay male and focused on gay males stories and struggles, gay/lesbian/pan/bisexual women have been called faggot, and I myself have been attacked with this word multiple times. Don’t ask for mans permission to use a word that has been weaponized against you. Reclaim it and empower yourself. Just because there is erasure to gay women’s struggles, doesn’t mean it isn’t valid or that you can’t empower yourself by reclaiming a slur that has been used against you <3
fag • Dec 28, 2020 at 7:40 pm
Hi I’m a Lesbian and Anyone in the LGBTQ+ community can say lesbian and dyke and if your in the community you don’t have to ask permission from anyone in order to use dyke or fag! 🙂 I’ve been fired from a job because I’m a “faggot” and been called dyke and fag in the same sentence on many occasions as slurs or just by my other gay and lesbian friends. For me it’s empowering and if your in the community it should be for you too! Don’t let a toxic male try to tell you different !
weird kid • Dec 28, 2020 at 7:22 am
hey,
im wlw but i dont have a label, i dont personally use the f slur but i was wondering if you can use it only when youve been called it? i know everyone in the lgbtq community can say it, but is it only when its been used against them?
Zero • Dec 26, 2020 at 3:11 pm
Hello. I am non-binary, so I wanted to ask which slurs I’m allowed to say and if there’s any directed towards non-binarys that I should know of?
kim • Dec 17, 2020 at 7:45 am
hi i’m kim. i identify as any gender but i don’t know my label though i don’t really care for them, i am a boy a girl and anything else. can i say the f slur? i’m not really wanting to but i want to know if it’d be wrong for me to say it. i am attracted to boys, girls and non-binary individuals.
kim • Dec 17, 2020 at 7:43 am
hi i’m kim. i identify as any gender but i don’t know my label though i don’t really care for them, i am a boy a girl and anything else. can i say the f slur? i’m not really wanting to but i want to know if it’d be wrong for me to say it.
Cailyn • Dec 2, 2020 at 11:43 am
I personally don’t use the f-slur (I’m bisexual), but I don’t agree with people saying it is exclusively for gay/bi/pan men or that people that are bi/pan can’t say it. The word has been used to hurt people no matter what their sexuality or gender identity is so everyone that is not cishet has the right. You should however not use it unless you are describing yourself as the article said.
Khaos • Nov 30, 2020 at 6:30 am
Hello, agender person here (I use they/them) and I would like to ask if, as a pansexual but genderless individual, if I am allowed to use the f-slur. I have no intention of doing it, but I listen to a song that has the word in it, and I have been wondering for a while if I was allowed to say it. With all due respect, I feel like the word should be allowed to be used for all of the LGBTQ community, as those are the people who have been oppressed with the word, but I just wanted to see another perspective.
yvonne • Nov 26, 2020 at 9:59 am
im a bisexual female can i say the f-word i’d prefer if a mlm anwsered this question :)!
Ayla R • Nov 21, 2020 at 1:01 pm
I’m gonna disagree with everyone saying bi/pan women cannot say the f slur. I say if you’re attracted to the same gender you can say it, the gate keeping should stop. The only people who are not allowed to say it are people who are not part of lgbt community. As far as asexuals. I am unsure, if it has been used against you, I think it’s ok. But I don’t know (also I’m a lesbian) Since the slur has been used to make fun of me it is ok for me to say it in my opinion. I still don’t use it very often though
random bisexual lady • Nov 16, 2020 at 10:04 pm
I’m looking at anonymous’ comment and getting mixed signals there. Bisexual, pansexual, and gay men can say the f slur because they both love men- but bi and pan + others that like the women love women as well, but bisexual/pansexual women cannot say the d slur because they love BOTH. So either the men can’t say the f slur and women can’t say the d slur, or they can both say their respective slur.
Also; I’m getting mixed signals in general from this comment section. Am I or am I not, allowed to say the f slur or the d slur ? I understand both points of view on the subject, but still am not clear on this. Thank you for your time.
Mel Q. • Nov 16, 2020 at 1:11 pm
I am a bisexual, non-binary person. I present feminine & have been called the f-slur in the past, not only because I am non-binary but also because I like women.. I’m not sure if I can say this word. Is it exclusive to MLM? Or is it a word that I can reclaim? I’ve been getting some mixed signals & I’d like a lot to get a definitive answer. I’d prefer a MLM to answer but anyone works.
lu • Nov 15, 2020 at 2:33 pm
hey, i’m a lesbian. to everyone saying bi/pan people can’t say it, fuck that. it’s a slur for homosexual people, period. anonymous said that bi women can’t say the d slur because they also like men…but they like women too. they are wlw, as much as me.
anonymous • Nov 6, 2020 at 3:10 pm
hi, lesbian here! i would like to say that only mlm can reclaim the f slur! the f slur diminishes men for liking men, so gay men and bi men can say it. bi women can NOT say it/reclaim it!! bi women actually have their own set of slurs. also in regards to the d slur, only lesbians can say it because if you look up the definition of dyke, the meaning is in fact lesbian aka a women who only likes women. so bi women can NOT say the d slur because they like men AND women. if you can not reclaim it then don’t say it!
Adrian the destructor • Nov 1, 2020 at 10:49 pm
Mary M, any member of the lgbt community can say the f slur. When the word originated it was used against anyone not strictly heterosexual, even asexuals. It’s oppressive for you to say bi, pan, etc can’t say it. If it’s used against you, then there’s something for you to reclaim. You have no place to say that unless you’re “fully gay” you can’t say it. Grow up and do research before you post your comment.
OB • Oct 18, 2020 at 4:35 pm
“There is no harm in self-censorship”
I’m gay (not that it should matter) and I absolutely disagree. I wish there weren’t people in this world like you who try to police others’ language.
kestrel • Oct 18, 2020 at 9:57 am
There’s some debate as to whether wlws should be able to say the f-slur, so I (a lesbian) generally don’t say it. However, I’m going to have to respectfully disagree with Mary M. Bi/pan women are allowed to use the d slur and bi/pan men are allowed to use the f-slur. They’re attracted to people of the same gender. The aforementioned slurs apply to them and will have been used against them. As the article said, as long as they don’t use the slurs against anyone else, they can say them.
PANcake098 • Oct 17, 2020 at 5:23 am
I’m pansexual, there’s this song that has the f-slur. Can i say it or no?
Olivia • Oct 11, 2020 at 7:45 pm
Yes you can, anyone who likes the same gender as themselves can say it 🙂
Mary M • Oct 11, 2020 at 10:17 am
only gay men can say the f slur as it’s only directed at them. lesbians have another slur so if you really want to use a slur (which is weird yes) use that one. please stay away from slurs like f*g and d*ke if you’re not a completely gay man or lesbian woman aka pan and bi please pls don’t say it
Lilli D • Oct 6, 2020 at 8:39 pm
Hi i’m a bisexual woman who has been called the f slur so am I aloud to say it? I dont wanna offend anyone
Chelsea • Sep 9, 2020 at 12:05 am
Hi there! I’m Chelsea and yes you can say the f slur as long as you are a part of the lgbt community. So in retrospect only assigned at birth heterosexuals are the people who should not say the slur. I hope this helped!
yasmim melo • Aug 25, 2020 at 5:34 pm
hi, my name is yasmin, i am gay woman and brazilian. i see the songs with the “f word” and stay confused if i can or not say it.